"THE ABBREVIATED NOVACOM SAGA"
by JoyElectric
Red
Herring
or "The Plot's Getting Thicker than my Aunt Carol's Waistline."
Teacher: I know this will mean nothing, but stay together here at Campbell College kids.
Cal: Hi, I'm Cal. I'll be the comic foil for the next year or two. I get away with stuff that Alex never would because I'm from a broken home, so people feel sorry for me.
Cal: Even though we'll get in big trouble, let's follow Eugene.
Alex: Cal!
Cal: He's this way!
Alex: Cal!
Eugene: Hi folks, I'm doing my impression of a mime for most of this series.
Cal: He's behind these doors!
Alex: Cal!
Bodygaurd: Wow, the freshman look younger every year. Oh wait...STOP!
Cal: Uh oh.
Alex: Cal!
Later...
Connie: Oh good. You two, I need someone for my radio show.
Cal: Connie, don't you ever plan for these shows?
Connie: Well, not really. It makes the show much more fun and provides a way for Cal to spill the beans on the radio.
Alex: Cal!
Connie: Oh Alex, pipe down, and get on the air with me.
Connie: So welcome to Candid Conversations with Connie. Brought to you by Dreams by Constance.
Alex: What kind of kids radio station has listeners that get married?
Cal: We saw Eugene at the College today!
Alex: Cal!
Connie: Eugene! I haven't gone off on a tirade about Eugene in a long time. I mean the last time I was.
Whit: Connie...
Connie: Ooops. Hey Whit.
Whit: My office. 5 minutes. Come with your head lowered and spirit defeated.
Connie: Before I forget, the phone girl came today.
Whit: Phone Girl?
Connie: Yeah, it was probably nothing.
Whit: Yeah, probably nothing.
Connie: Nothing at all.
Whit: Nope.
Connie: No way.
Whit: Not possible.
Connie: Nope
Whit: Let's drop it then.
Connie: Fair enough, since it will NEVER come back to HAUNT us again.
Later...
Cal: Hey Alex, since all we've done today is get in trouble a little, let's commit a felony on the side.
Alex: Cal!
Cal: Is this your mom's password?
Alex: I don't know. One of these is, the other is a shopping list.
Cal: Okay let's try this one: milkandeggs. Oh, how ironic, it worked.
Alex: Good. I was hoping my mom's password wasn't underwearandscotchgaurd.
AREM: Hey kids, I'm AREM, and I've got a creepy computer voice. Want to aid in the foreshadowing of this story?
Cal: Sure!
AREM: I'm going to help you hack into the school, grab a few odd hints, and then let you take all of the blame.
Cal: Cool!
Alex: Cal!
Cal: What's a Radio Wave Study?
AREM: Here's the password: Red Herring. Red Herring, you got that? RED HERRING.
Cal: Is that all one word?
AREM: Ooops. You must be running Windows ME, as your machine is about to crash.
Cal: No! Not at such an appropraite point to add tension to the story!
Later...
Mom and Dad: Alright kids, out with it.
Alex: I'm sorry.
Dad: We'll have your punishment off screen, of course. Cal's a bad influence on you. As soon as this story arc is over, I don't want you to ever mention him again.
Alex: Yes'm.
Later...
FBI: Hey kids, do you want to spend
the next 5 years making license plates, or 5 minutes hacking back in?
Alex and Cal: Hacking back in!
FBI: Alright, let's go.
Alex and Cal: Hurray for the flawed justice system!!
AREM: Hi kids, let's play some more.
Cal: Should I speak out loud while typing, or can you read it from behind me?
FBI: Speak out loud, it adds tension.
Cal: Who are you?
Alex: I'm Alex.
Cal: No! I'm talking to AREM.
Alex: He can't hear you, you know.
Cal: Quiet! Who are you, AREM?
AREM: Come on, we've got at least 20 more episodes to draw this out to get to that point. Bye!
Hardcore Fans: (speculate, speculate, drool, speculate, etc..)
Whit: So, he's doing what with the who now?
FBI: Have you ever heard on a self-destructing modem?
Whit: I haven't seen them at Best Buy recently.
FBI: Well, you had one. AREM was using it. I think. Maybe I'm wrong on that one.
Whit: But why?
FBI: No idea, but I'm sure this has nothing to do with the towers on Tom's farm.
Nova Rising
or "Bernard is with his squeegee. All is right in the world."
Cal: Mr. Whittaker, we've got jobs at Novacomm.
Whit: I'd be happy for you if I didn't think Novacomm was the spawn of Satan.
Bernard: Whit! I got a job at Novacomm.
Whit: Refer to my answer to Alex and Cal.
Bernard: You know that TV show I started?
Whit: You mean the one that does one show every two years or so?
Bernard: That's the one! Novacomm wants to air it.
Whit: I'm skeptical.
Bernard: What? I'm so surprised, I can't make one of my patented analogies.
Whit: Hey, it's my job on this series, at least until I meet a woman who makes me lose all perspective.
Bernard: Oh well, I'm sure you'll be vindicated by the end of the show, but I'm still going at it.
Later...
Arthur: Hello Bernard, if I mispronounce your name, maybe the audience will get the feeling I don't care about you or your show, and I really am just evil.
Bernard: Yeah, I sensed that was the only reason you came to my office. Well, that and to show how inept I am with modern technology.
Whit: Hi, I stopped by to prod you with questions you can't answer.
Bernard: And since I don't have a lot of good answers, let's fade to another scene.
Later...
Cal: Wow, child labor laws must not exist in Odyssey.
Alex: I know, what's the logic in hiring kids to write TV shows?
Cal: I don't know, but I wish something would happen to make this scene move along.
AREM: Tada!
Cal: Cool!
Alex: Cal!
AREM: Say, I've only got so long before your computer locks up. Want a cryptic and disturbing password thrown at you?
Cal: Yeah!
Alex: Cal!
AREM: Fine: "Think Blue, Count Two"
Cal: Huh?
AREM: Just kidding. It's "Nova Rising." You should have figured it out, it's the Title, just like last time.
Cal: Oh, of course. Silly me.
AREM: Here's a ton of information that will be over 11 year old boys' heads. But have fun with it. Sorry if I get you fired. I tend to endanger kids from time to time.
Miss Field: Kids, my office.
Cal: What? We've been at this job for 15 minutes!
Meanwhile...
Arthur: Alright, Durwood.
Bernard: It's Bernard, but go on.
Arthur: Shall we. This group of suits and I are going to attempt to relate to kids.
Bernard: What's the show plan?
Arthur: Well, we've got a ton of ideas that are about as exciting as a PBS kids show.
Bernard: Wow, I wish I came up with that. But your other ideas are as bad as a, um, Pat Boone impersonator in...uh...Branson.
Arthur: Wow, that WAS bad. I think we'd better rethink the contract.
Meanwhile...
Miss Field: Bad news, kids, the State Department's clamping down.
Cal: So we're getting canned?
Miss Field: More or less, don't call us, we'll call you.
Later...
Whit: So, it didn't work, did it Bernard?
Bernard: No, they want to keep the name of the show, but take the gospel influence out of it.
Whit: Just like the YMCA?
Bernard: More or less.
Whit: Ha! I told you so! Whit knows best again!
Bernard: Yeah, yeah. Just tell me: can I still wash your windows?
Whit: Fine, just so you don't end being too sentimental.
Bernard: I'm home, Whit. I'm ho---what was that?
Whit. Oh, never mind.