by JoyElectric

Back to Jaw About Odyssey

Red Herring
or "The Plot's Getting Thicker than my Aunt Carol's Waistline."

Teacher: I know this will mean nothing, but stay together here at Campbell College kids.

Cal: Hi, I'm Cal. I'll be the comic foil for the next year or two. I get away with stuff that Alex never would because I'm from a broken home, so people feel sorry for me.

Cal: Even though we'll get in big trouble, let's follow Eugene.

Alex: Cal!

Cal: He's this way!

Alex: Cal!

Eugene: Hi folks, I'm doing my impression of a mime for most of this series.

Cal: He's behind these doors!

Alex: Cal!

Bodygaurd: Wow, the freshman look younger every year. Oh wait...STOP!

Cal: Uh oh.

Alex: Cal!


Connie: Oh good. You two, I need someone for my radio show.

Cal: Connie, don't you ever plan for these shows?

Connie: Well, not really. It makes the show much more fun and provides a way for Cal to spill the beans on the radio.

Alex: Cal!

Connie: Oh Alex, pipe down, and get on the air with me.

Connie: So welcome to Candid Conversations with Connie. Brought to you by Dreams by Constance.

Alex: What kind of kids radio station has listeners that get married?

Cal: We saw Eugene at the College today!

Alex: Cal!

Connie: Eugene! I haven't gone off on a tirade about Eugene in a long time. I mean the last time I was.

Whit: Connie...

Connie: Ooops. Hey Whit.

Whit: My office. 5 minutes. Come with your head lowered and spirit defeated.

Connie: Before I forget, the phone girl came today.

Whit: Phone Girl?

Connie: Yeah, it was probably nothing.

Whit: Yeah, probably nothing.

Connie: Nothing at all.

Whit: Nope.

Connie: No way.

Whit: Not possible.

Connie: Nope

Whit: Let's drop it then.

Connie: Fair enough, since it will NEVER come back to HAUNT us again.


Cal: Hey Alex, since all we've done today is get in trouble a little, let's commit a felony on the side.

Alex: Cal!

Cal: Is this your mom's password?

Alex: I don't know. One of these is, the other is a shopping list.

Cal: Okay let's try this one: milkandeggs. Oh, how ironic, it worked.

Alex: Good. I was hoping my mom's password wasn't underwearandscotchgaurd.

AREM: Hey kids, I'm AREM, and I've got a creepy computer voice. Want to aid in the foreshadowing of this story?

Cal: Sure!

AREM: I'm going to help you hack into the school, grab a few odd hints, and then let you take all of the blame.

Cal: Cool!

Alex: Cal!

Cal: What's a Radio Wave Study?

AREM: Here's the password: Red Herring. Red Herring, you got that? RED HERRING.

Cal: Is that all one word?

AREM: Ooops. You must be running Windows ME, as your machine is about to crash.

Cal: No! Not at such an appropraite point to add tension to the story!


Mom and Dad: Alright kids, out with it.

Alex: I'm sorry.

Dad: We'll have your punishment off screen, of course. Cal's a bad influence on you. As soon as this story arc is over, I don't want you to ever mention him again.

Alex: Yes'm.


FBI: Hey kids, do you want to spend the next 5 years making license plates, or 5 minutes hacking back in?
Alex and Cal: Hacking back in!

FBI: Alright, let's go.

Alex and Cal: Hurray for the flawed justice system!!

AREM: Hi kids, let's play some more.

Cal: Should I speak out loud while typing, or can you read it from behind me?

FBI: Speak out loud, it adds tension.

Cal: Who are you?

Alex: I'm Alex.

Cal: No! I'm talking to AREM.

Alex: He can't hear you, you know.

Cal: Quiet! Who are you, AREM?

AREM: Come on, we've got at least 20 more episodes to draw this out to get to that point. Bye!

Hardcore Fans: (speculate, speculate, drool, speculate, etc..)

Whit: So, he's doing what with the who now?

FBI: Have you ever heard on a self-destructing modem?

Whit: I haven't seen them at Best Buy recently.

FBI: Well, you had one. AREM was using it. I think. Maybe I'm wrong on that one.

Whit: But why?

FBI: No idea, but I'm sure this has nothing to do with the towers on Tom's farm.

Nova Rising
or "Bernard is with his squeegee. All is right in the world."

Cal: Mr. Whittaker, we've got jobs at Novacomm.

Whit: I'd be happy for you if I didn't think Novacomm was the spawn of Satan.

Bernard: Whit! I got a job at Novacomm.

Whit: Refer to my answer to Alex and Cal.

Bernard: You know that TV show I started?

Whit: You mean the one that does one show every two years or so?

Bernard: That's the one! Novacomm wants to air it.

Whit: I'm skeptical.

Bernard: What? I'm so surprised, I can't make one of my patented analogies.

Whit: Hey, it's my job on this series, at least until I meet a woman who makes me lose all perspective.

Bernard: Oh well, I'm sure you'll be vindicated by the end of the show, but I'm still going at it.


Arthur: Hello Bernard, if I mispronounce your name, maybe the audience will get the feeling I don't care about you or your show, and I really am just evil.

Bernard: Yeah, I sensed that was the only reason you came to my office. Well, that and to show how inept I am with modern technology.

Whit: Hi, I stopped by to prod you with questions you can't answer.

Bernard: And since I don't have a lot of good answers, let's fade to another scene.


Cal: Wow, child labor laws must not exist in Odyssey.

Alex: I know, what's the logic in hiring kids to write TV shows?

Cal: I don't know, but I wish something would happen to make this scene move along.

AREM: Tada!

Cal: Cool!

Alex: Cal!

AREM: Say, I've only got so long before your computer locks up. Want a cryptic and disturbing password thrown at you?

Cal: Yeah!

Alex: Cal!

AREM: Fine: "Think Blue, Count Two"

Cal: Huh?

AREM: Just kidding. It's "Nova Rising." You should have figured it out, it's the Title, just like last time.

Cal: Oh, of course. Silly me.

AREM: Here's a ton of information that will be over 11 year old boys' heads. But have fun with it. Sorry if I get you fired. I tend to endanger kids from time to time.

Miss Field: Kids, my office.

Cal: What? We've been at this job for 15 minutes!


Arthur: Alright, Durwood.

Bernard: It's Bernard, but go on.

Arthur: Shall we. This group of suits and I are going to attempt to relate to kids.

Bernard: What's the show plan?

Arthur: Well, we've got a ton of ideas that are about as exciting as a PBS kids show.

Bernard: Wow, I wish I came up with that. But your other ideas are as bad as a, um, Pat Boone impersonator in...uh...Branson.

Arthur: Wow, that WAS bad. I think we'd better rethink the contract.


Miss Field: Bad news, kids, the State Department's clamping down.

Cal: So we're getting canned?

Miss Field: More or less, don't call us, we'll call you.


Whit: So, it didn't work, did it Bernard?

Bernard: No, they want to keep the name of the show, but take the gospel influence out of it.

Whit: Just like the YMCA?

Bernard: More or less.

Whit: Ha! I told you so! Whit knows best again!

Bernard: Yeah, yeah. Just tell me: can I still wash your windows?

Whit: Fine, just so you don't end being too sentimental.

Bernard: I'm home, Whit. I'm ho---what was that?

Whit. Oh, never mind.